Bill & Ted

Bill And Ted’s 20 Wackiest Quotes

Bill and Ted have had some truly excellent quotes throughout their long-lasting movie series and these are some of the wackiest!

After spending years in development hell, the third Bill & Ted movie finally hit screens. Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves reprised their roles as the rock ‘n’ roll-loving slackers for Bill & Ted Face the Music.

The plot saw the two classic characters middle-aged and married with children, tasked with writing a song that will save the universe while the fabric of the space-time continuum is torn apart. It may not seem like a movie that would have a lot of hilarious, wacky, lines, but it definitely does – and some of these became iconic Bill & Ted catchphrases and sayings for decades to come!

Updated on April 23rd, 2020 by Kristen Palamara: The Bill and Ted franchise started in 1989 with their Excellent Adventure that saw the two best friends and band members of Wyld Stallyns travel through time to pass a history project. The second 1991 movie was their Bogus Journey that saw the two have to fight robot versions of themselves. And the most recent movie, Face the Music, to finish the trilogy in 2020 saw the two have to write a new song to save the world. All of these outrageous and hilarious premises–with Bill and Ted interacting with wacky characters like legendary historical figures and the Grim Reaper–brought some memorable dialogue to fans.

Bill, Ted, And Socrates

“All We Are Is Dust In The Wind, Dude.”

Bill and Ted meet multiple famous figures throughout history traveling in their time machine phone booth and one of those figures is philosopher Socrates. The guys try to communicate with him but there’s a language, and intelligence, barrier.

Bill and Ted decide to try to “philosophize with him” and Ted decides to quote the song “Dust in the Wind” by Kansas, and it hilariously works. Clearly, just some good music is enough to overcome all barriers, in the end!

Failing Most Heinously

“We’re In Danger Of Flunking Most Heinously Tomorrow, Ted.”

Bill and Ted consistently keep up their particular language and word choice throughout the movie that makes them wacky and entertaining characters – and that is so recognizable.

Both Bill and Ted are upset that they’re about to fail their history class and Ted might be sent away to military school if they fail because his father is done with him messing around. Early on, Bill says that they’re “in danger of flunking most heinously” because of course they have to put their own spin on the quote and can’t just say that they might fail.

There’s A Clear Connection…

“Ted, Who Was Joan Of Arc?” – “Noah’s Wife!”

It’s well established in the first movie that Bill and Ted have a difficult time in school and this quote proves it. Ted isn’t paying attention in class and his teacher calls on him to answer a question.

The teacher asks Ted to describe who Joan of Arc was and Ted stands up, dramatically puts his hand up, and takes a wild guess saying that Joan of Arc was Noah’s wife. Ted thinks of the biblical story of Noah building an Ark and guesses that Joan of Arc has something to do with that. This is the kind of adorable moment that fans love, though – because he’s so enthusiastic about his idea!

That’s One Way To React!

“You Totally Killed Us, You Evil Metal D***Weeds!”

The second movie, Bill and Ted’s Bogus Journey, sees Bill and Ted trying to fight and defeat their evil robotic selves when they decide to take over the real Bill and Ted’s lives on Earth.

Bill and Ted are so offended that the evil robot versions of themselves are planning to kill them and even more upset that they are killed by them and have to fight their way back to Earth. Bill yells this line when he’s realized that they’re dead and is annoyed about it – and it’s truly hilarious that he’s more annoyed about the situation than anything! It’s a perfect line to sum up their priorities.

The Grim Reaper’s Gym Routine

“I Work Out All The Time, And Reaping Burns A Lot Of Calories.”

Bill and Ted team up with the Grim Reaper in the second movie to try to reclaim their lives when they are killed and the evil versions of themselves take their place on Earth.

The Grim Reaper turns out to be a pretty cool dude, as Bill and Ted would say, and he has some hilarious lines as well. The Reaper says that he’s in pretty good shape because he has a regular workout routine, plus his reaping is a pretty good workout, too. If only he was seen at the gym…

Bill & Ted’s Promposal

“Oh, You Beautiful Babes From England, For Whom We Have Traveled Through Time… Will You Go To The Prom With Us In San Dimas? We Will Have A Most Triumphant Time!”

Bill and Ted become great musicians in the future and help to shape society. In the meantime, they’re still trying to get their band up and running. During their trip to the Middle Ages, they meet two ladies who they fall head over heels for.

They need to charm their way into their hearts. And what better way than with their lyrical rhyming skills? They ask the girls out to prom with a short song that has the two women giggling and blushing. It totally worked in the most excellent way!

Sir, Dude, Sir!

“Yes, Sir, Dude!…Yes, Sir, Sir, Dude!”

Bill and Ted are in some trouble in the second film installment. Fans have noticed by now that their favorite word in the entire world is “dude.” They can’t help themselves, which makes this one quote even more comical.

They are met with Colonel Oats (Chelcie Ross), Ted’s worst nightmare. Colonel Oats gets right into their faces and starts shouting commands. Bill ends up saying “dude” every time he says “Yes, sir,” to the Colonel’s unending frustration. It’s a huge laugh-out-loud moment as Bill really and truly can’t stop saying “dude,” no matter the consequences.

What To Do When Meeting Socrates?

“I Dunno. Philosophize With Him!”

Meeting the philosopher Socrates would be considered a high honor for some. Thankfully, Bill and Ted are at least aware of who they are meeting. After conducting their introductions, Ted has no idea what to say next. Bill suggests philosophizing with him – which is a fairly obvious suggestion, but a good one!

This leads to the next quote where Ted says “All we are is dust in the wind.” Socrates is unable to understand at first so Bill and Ted proceed to iterate. Socrates is dumbfounded by the revelation – and clearly thinks he is in the presence of wisdom, thanks to this ‘philosophizing’.

Musical Confusion

“Iron Maiden? Excellent!”

This quote is especially wacky because of its misinterpreted connotations by Bill and Ted. They’re in the Middle Ages, where they manage to upset some people and must be punished. The Evil Duke sentences them to the Iron Maiden. Seeing as Bill and Ted are from the future, they mistake Iron Maiden for the popular heavy metal band.

They sound pleased because they are unaware they are referring to a steel torture device. Of course, the confusion isn’t just funny, but ends up working in their favor. Confusion over why these strangers would be happy about a torture device ends up benefiting them.

One Way To Describe Genghis Khan

“This Is A Dude Who, 700 Years Ago, Totally Ravaged China, And Who, We Were Told, 2 Hours Ago, Totally Ravaged Oshman’s Sporting Goods.”

In the first film, one of the historical figures Bill and Ted bring back to the present time is Genghis Khan (Al Leong). According to the history books, Genghis Khan was the first emperor of the Mongol empire back in his day. His quest for land and power left him with a reputation as one of the most ruthless rulers ever seen.

A comical moment occurs when Bill and Ted introduce him at school. They recount his ability to rampage China but also the fact that he just rampaged a sporting good store. Genghis Khan’s definitely true to his character, though we should be thankful he only ended up chopping the head off of a mannequin.

Bill & Ted Are Truly Wise

“The Only True Wisdom Consists In Knowing That You Know Nothing.’” “That’s Us, Dude!”

The Bill & Ted movies are a celebration of stupidity. Bill S. Preston, Esq. and Ted “Theodore” Logan are two of the most idiotic characters ever created, but they’re also two of the most lovable.

When Bill reads this landmark philosophical quote by Socrates about the ultimate truth being that none of us know anything from his history textbook, Ted relates to it instantly. The Socrates scenes in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure are hilarious, bringing the unique blending of highbrow humor and lowbrow humor that makes the movies such a delight (it’s also the blend that defines the comic sensibility of The Simpsons).

Testing Their Future Selves

“69, Dude!”

Bill and Ted were an early template for such high school comedy pairings as Superbad’s Seth and Evan – teenage boys with their minds in the gutter. When Bill and Ted encounter their future selves in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, they’re skeptical and decide to test whether or not it’s really them by asking them to tell them what number they’re thinking of at that moment.

Without missing a beat, the future versions of Bill and Ted tell their past selves that the number on their minds is 69, which would also be on the mind of any other moronic teenage boy.

You Did What?

“I Totally Possessed My Dad!”

Ted’s relationship with his father is central to his characterization in these movies. In the first movie, his dad threatens to send him to military school if he fails his history report and thus flunks the school year.

So, his dad is the reason why he really wants to get a good grade on that report and travels through the most memorable eras of history to gather the most memorable historical figures and bring them into his school for an oral report that his teachers and classmates will never forget. In the second movie, Ted’s ghostly presence possesses his dad.

Ted Isn’t The Most Tactful

“Remember When She Was A Senior And We Were Freshmen?”

In Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, Ted heads over to Bill’s house and Bill’s young, beautiful new stepmom comes in the room. As they leave the house, Ted reminds Bill that his new stepmom was a senior in their high school when they were freshmen – and now, she’s married to his dad.

Ted also tells Bill that he thinks his stepmom is cute and reminds him that he once invited the girl who would become his stepmother to go to prom with him. As Ted keeps talking, Bill keeps telling him to shut up, until he eventually snaps and yells, “Shut up, Ted!”

What’s The Opposite Of Heinous?

“That Was Non-Non-Non-Non-Heinous!”

It’s grammatically incorrect to use a double negative, but here, Bill uses a quadruple negative to describe his first time going to Hell. If it was “non-heinous,” then it wouldn’t have been heinous.

If it was “non-non-heinous,” then it would’ve been heinous. And so on and so forth until you unravel all four negatives to figure out that he is actually describing going to Hell as heinous. So, he didn’t need to use the “non” prefix four times before the word “heinous,” because all he was trying to say was that Hell was heinous. But that’s Bill S. Preston, Esq. for you.

Album Covers Don’t Tell The Truth

“This Is Not Like I Expected At All! We Got Totally Lied To By Our Album Covers.”

This is Ted’s reaction when he first arrives at the gates of Hell and sees that it’s not at all what he expected. A lot of the pop culture references in the movies come from the rock ‘n’ roll music that Bill and Ted are obsessed with. That genre is controversial among the religious community for its depiction of demons, the Devil, and Hell.

The album covers Ted is referring to tend to portray Hell as a molten realm filled with fire and lava and skeletons playing electric guitars. In reality, it looks more like a scene from a surreal David Lynch movie.

Van Halen In The Future

“I Do Not Believe We Will Get Eddie Van Halen Before We Have A Triumphant Video.”

Bill and Ted’s band, the Wyld Stallyns, has become a staple of popular culture. It’s one of the best-known fictional rock bands ever created. In one of the earliest scenes in their first movie, the duo bicker about how their band is going to make it big. They have a chicken-and-egg scenario to deal with.

Bill doesn’t think they’ll make it big until they get Eddie Van Halen on guitar, but Ted doesn’t think they’ll get Eddie Van Halen in the band until they make an awesome video, but Bill doesn’t think they should bother with a video until they have good instruments, but they won’t be able to afford good instruments until they have both an awesome video and Van Halen on guitar.

Let’s Rock!

“The Best Time To Be Is Now, And All’s We Can Say Is…Let’s Rock!”

Bill says the first part of this quote and then Ted joins him for the second part to really give it some oomph in Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey as they explain that over the course of their adolescent years, they’ve traveled to both the past and the future – as well as different dimensions, like Hell – and what they’ve learned is that the greatest place to be in the course of human history is, quite simply, “now.”

It’s one of the quotes in the movies that is hilarious, but also surprisingly deep – as these teens learn how to be present, no matter what the time-traveling adventure.

The Best Advice From Bill & Ted

“Be Excellent To Each Other.”

The world would be a much better place if everyone just followed Bill’s words of wisdom here. It’s a version of common idioms like, “Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself,” from the Book of Leviticus, but Bill’s version is much more accessible. It’s shorter, it’s simpler, and it uses the awesome word “excellent” from the title of the movie.

This is also something that sums up the attitude that Bill and Ted have – they may not be smart, but they are enthusiastic, always looking for a good time, and at heart, are kind. This is one of the thing that makes them such enduringly lovable characters – there just isn’t a bad bone in their bodies.

What’s Happening At The Circle K?

“Strange Things Are Afoot At The Circle K.”

Every movie has one line of dialogue that sums up the whole thing, and in Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, this is that quote. The titular pair are hanging out at the Circle K, their local convenience store when a time traveler shows up. This is Ted’s iconic response.

Bill and Ted’s dialogue always captured the teen culture of the ‘80s, with all the slang and inflections used by kids in that decade (albeit with added pontificating and the word “afoot”). It’s part of what makes these quotes so enduring – they would never be said by anyone but Bill and Ted.

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