Bill & Ted

Bill & Ted: 10 Funniest Lines From The Movies, Ranked

The Bill & Ted movies are full of hilarious quotes as the duo try to navigate time-travel while saving the world. Here are the funniest lines, ranked.

There are many reasons why Bill & Ted is a classic franchise. There’s the charisma and chemistry of the title characters, the exceptional public and critical reception, the many multi-media spin-offs and adaptations, and the innovative cross-genre experience – it’s a sci-fi and a comedy! Not to mention, the major success that Keanu Reeves has become and the hilarious scripts that gave birth to many funny quotes.

The fanbase is so solid that the 2020 threequel, Bill & Ted Face The Music, proved wrong those who believed the movies were a thing of the past. Ed Solomon and Chris Matheson created the series, and the metalhead best-friends are played by Alex Winter and Keanu Reeves.

10/10

Least Funny: “69, Dudes!”

This is a classic line from 1989’s Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure, the series’s first movie. After meeting Rufus outside the Circle K, the best friends have a hard time believing in the whole time-travel scenario. That’s when a version of Bill and Ted from the future shows up to convince them.

But how do they know if these two figures are actually them? In Bill & Ted logic, all they have to do is apply the what-number-are-we-thinking-right-now-test. Needless to say, future Bill and Ted ace the test without missing a beat. But then again, what other numbers would be occupying a teenage boy’s mind?

9/10

“We Got Totally Lied To By Our Album Covers, Man!”

This iconic line is from the second movie, Bill & Ted’s Bogus Journey. After an extremely long fall, long enough for the two friends to play a short game of “20 Questions,” Bill and Ted arrive in Hell. Evil robots from the future have just killed them, and the two are very surprised to see what Hell actually looks like.

Ted points out that the reality of the scene does not meet his expectations, and Bill agrees by mentioning the source of their assumptions: rock album covers. Bill and Ted are obsessed with rock music, and their disappointment probably comes from the lack of badass motorcycles and guitar-playing skeletons. Too bad their disappointment is our laughs.

8 /10

“Heavy Metal!”

This quote is also from the saga’s first movie, and it happens when Bill and Ted find themselves in need of hiding in a medieval castle. The two friends find armor suits and promptly get inside, pretending to be on display. As the threat walks away, the two then follow their path wearing the suits, but struggle to move due to their weight.

That’s when Ted comments on how the suits are heavy, and Bill agrees by acknowledging the material of which they are made, or “heavy metal.” Upon realizing the pun, the two celebrate with a bit of their famous air guitar. After all, if there’s one thing these boys think about more than sex, it is rock music.

7 /10

“Iron Maiden? Excellent!”

While in medieval England, Bill and Ted fall in love with Princesses Elizabeth and Joanna. But their father has other marital plans for his daughters, so when he finds the Earl of Preston and the Duke of Ted, he doesn’t think twice before sending them to a painful session in the famous torture device, the Iron Maiden.

Our two favorite metalheads might have found pseudonyms to get by in medieval times, but they clearly don’t know much about the era’s glossary. Even though the two princesses are shocked, Bill and Ted confuse the King’s order with the famous English heavy metal band and celebrate their sentence. Cue air guitar.

6 /10

“You’ve Had Many Counterintuitive Ideas Over The Years, But This Is By Far The ‘Counterintuitivest’ Of Them All, Dude!”

This hilarious quote comes from the 2020 threequel, Bill & Ted Face The Music. Bill says this pearl of wisdom to Ted after receiving the challenging task of finally writing the saving song in less than 75 minutes. Afraid they are not capable of making it, Ted comes up with a great idea: travel to the future and get the already-written song from future Bill & Ted.

Good idea or not, it impresses Bill. His response is an honest compliment featuring a misused superlative. Since the first movies, the Californian time-travelers’ creative vocabulary is a source of comedy. Bill and Ted encapsulate the slang of 80s teenagers with fancy words, often used in an unusual – or just plain wrong – manner, and this quote is a great come back!

5 /10

“This Is A Dude Who, 700 Years Ago, Totally Ravaged China, And Who, We Were Told, 2 Hours Ago, Totally Ravaged Oshman’s Sporting Goods.”

How else would you describe Genghis Khan to your classmates? This hilarious quote is from Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure. Our heroes bring back from the past the ruthless Mongolian Emperor, Genghis Khan, to help them pass their History test.

Together with other historical figures, Khan has a hard time adapting to the 20th century, and a sporting goods store pays a high price for their inappropriate behavior. It’s impossible not to laugh at Ted’s obliviousness that leads him to put the two situations, ravaging the Chinese Jin Dynasty and Oshman’s Sporting Goods, in equal standards.

4 /10

“I Dunno. Philosophize With Him!”

No one can blame Bill and Ted for being nervous when meeting Socrates. When the two Californians find themselves in ancient Greece in the first movie, they decide to take the famous philosopher with them to the present day. But after introducing their names, the conversation between the trio falls into an awkward silence.

Unsure of how to proceed, Ted asks his companion, and this quote is Bill’s response. It’s easy to follow Bill’s logic, and so Ted follows up with the plan.

3 /10

“You Don’t Just Get To Rock. You Got To Earn The Right To Rock.”

This quote is said by Death in the third movie in the series, Bill & Ted Face The Music. After Bill and Ted rescue their daughters, the world’s most excellent musicians, and robot Dennis Caleb McCoy from Hell, the whole gang heads back to the present.

Death, who has just recently rejoined the Wyld Stallyns, exclaims, “Let’s Rock,” mesmerizing the robot, Dennis. The clueless robot gets too excited, and Death makes sure he understands how the rock world really works.

2 /10

“All We Are Is Dust In The Wind, Dude.”

A great setup is imperative in order for a joke to succeed, so it’s no surprise that the second-funniest line in Bill & Ted is a continuation of the fourth, mentioned above. After Bill suggests that Ted philosophizes with Socrates, Ted chooses to quote the American rock band, Kansas, to impress the Greek.

It takes Socrates a while to understand the foreign language, but with Bill’s helpful gestures, the thinker catches up and is blown away by Ted’s insight. Sometimes, intelligence is all about saying the right thing at the right time. Or is it?

1 /10

Funniest Line: “Strange Things Are Afoot At The Circle K.”

The funniest joke in this classic saga is not only the most hilarious, but it also encapsulates the essence of the wackiest time-traveling duo of all time. While hanging out at their local convenience store, Bill and Ted are surprised by the appearance of Rufus and his phonebooth. Naturally, their first response is to ask the mysterious man about the time when the Mongols ruled China. But when a second time-traveling phonebooth lands next to them, things get too weird to remain unmentioned.

That’s when Ted gives the world one of the most classic comical lines of all time. The precise timing, the obviousness, the on-point acting, and the carefully chosen words make this pearl the funniest line in Bill & Ted and, undoubtfully, a timeless quote.

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