The Sopranos Characters Ranked Least-Most Likely To Survive A Zombie Apocalypse
The Sopranos has a couple of characters that would stand a good chance of staying alive if a zombie apocalypse breaks out, but who would die quickly?
The characters in The Sopranos face threats on a daily basis since violence goes hand in hand with organized crime. For this reason, a zombie apocalypse wouldn’t freak them out as much as it would ordinary citizens. And unlike the average person, they would have no shortage of ammo to deal with the situation.
Having had countless near-death experiences, most of the characters will fair just fine when zombies start roaming the streets. Those who get to see the end of the apocalypse will do so because of their superior intelligence and combat skills. Others won’t be so lucky and might even get bitten and turn into zombies too.
A.J. Soprano
One would have to look hard to find anything A.J. is good at. He is neither book smart nor street smart, something that often frustrates his parents, who are both competent in various areas of life.
When zombies start sinking their canines through the shoulders and necks of New Jersey, A.J. will panic, not knowing what to do. He’ll neither be smart enough to know where to hide or convincing enough to make others team up with him to fight as a unit. A.J. also hates being outdoors, something he confesses when Tony organizes a construction job for him. And since most of the battles with zombies will likely take place outdoors, A.J. will be like a fish out of water.
Artie Bucco
Artie has been Tony’s friend since childhood, but he has hardly learned the art of being tough. The restaurateur prefers being at the Vesuvio where he does what he does best: preparing meals.
Judging from the incident where Jean-Phillipe assaults him and refuses to pay him back his $50,000, Artie is one of the worst fighters in The Sopranos. As such, he wouldn’t know whether to punch or stab a zombie. He is quite reluctant to pull the trigger too, best seen when he confronts Tony with a rifle for torching the Vesuvio. His empathy will definitely kick in when he’s about to shoot a zombie, especially if it’s a former friend that has reanimated. Consequently, he’ll get pounced on.
Bobby Bacalla
Bobby is the nicest mobster in the entire show. He is always polite and only kills one person in his life, something unusual for someone in his profession.
Bobby boxes as brilliantly as a heavyweight champion, an ability that once helps him defeat Tony during a fight. However, surviving in a zombie apocalypse takes more than just fisticuffs. Bobby’s reluctance to take lives will be his biggest undoing. The longer he stands with a rifle, the quicker he’ll be bitten. Bobby also dedicates much time to grieving hence he might waste precious hours by mourning lost friends instead of coming up with survival strategies.
Corrado “Junior” Soprano
Tony’s uncle constantly switches between loving him and hating him. Despite having the grit required to survive in the underworld, fate isn’t too kind to him as he sees his health decline.
Junior will be among the first to perish because of two things: first is his health. For most of the show, Junior doesn’t do anything meaningful because of his ailing health, so he’d find it difficult to battle or strategize while in this condition. Junior is also so mean that he develops a reputation for “eating alone.” Because of this, other characters will be hesitant to team up with him, leaving him isolated and exposed.
Christopher Moltisanti
Christopher rises up the Cosa Nostra ladder quickly, thanks to his relationship with Tony. He eventually becomes a capo but his story comes to a premature end in one of the saddest character deaths in The Sopranos.
Christopher has a habit of sabotaging himself. No matter how much of a boost he gets, he keeps messing up. His penchant for making mistakes will see him do things such as assuming the door is locked when it isn’t or a zombie is dead when it isn’t. The only thing that might keep him alive for a short period is his endurance. Even serious injuries rarely put him down, best seen in his recovery journey after the shootout with Matt and Sean.
Meadow Soprano
Unlike her brother, Meadow is an overachiever. She gets excellent grades in school and is very respectful to her parents. She is also compassionate and understanding.
Meadow might stay alive for a while during the apocalypse because her father loves her so much and will do everything he can to protect her. But as a generally nice person, she won’t be able to tolerate all the gore. On the show, she makes it clear that she hates violence, therefore she’ll struggle if there ever comes a time that she has to defend herself.
Carmela Soprano
As one of the best mob wives in The Sopranos, Carmela enjoys spending her days at home. She isn’t totally okay with her husband’s lifestyle, but she understands it and is more than glad to enjoy the perks.
Although she isn’t directly involved in the crime family’s activities, this doesn’t mean Carmela isn’t tough. She is ever ready to grab a rifle when she senses danger. The best example of this is when she storms out of the house with a gun when she hears noises during Father Phil’s visit. Multiple zombies will definitely meet their end, thanks to Carmela. Even better is that she knows how to be calm when faced with danger, like when a bear sneaks into the Soprano residence. She thus won’t panic when confronted by walkers.
Silvio Dante
The DiMeo Crime Family’s consigliere thrives best when he is giving advice. His taste in suits is also incredible, making him one of the best-dressed characters in The Sopranos.
Given his reputation as a conveyor of wise counsel, Silvio will be relied upon to come up with the best plans to keep the zombies at bay. He’ll figure out how to block doors and the safest routes to take. He might get a little moody after his suit gets ruined, but he’ll do just fine. Silvio can kill without blinking too, a trait that will be very useful when confronted with zombies.
Paulie “Walnuts” Gualtieri
Paulie is the stereotypical mobster in every sense, from the way he speaks to the way he carries out heists and hits. He is also one of few New Jersey mobsters to survive the entire show.
Paulie kills the most people in The Sopranos and him being a prolific hitman will definitely prove useful. Zombie bodies will pile up wherever he shows up, and his actions might just lead to the end of the apocalypse. And in the same manner that Paulie never gets grazed by a bullet the entire series, no zombie will come close to biting him. Being a cautious and alert person is what will mostly keep him alive.
Tony Soprano
The Don of the DiMeo Crime Family looks more like the average father than a mob boss, but he sure is ruthless and competent. In what could be considered a major achievement, he never gets arrested or killed during his entire series run.
As the best decision-maker on the show, there won’t be a moment where Tony will blunder and put himself in danger. Considering how he manages to kill capable mobsters like Ralph, Christopher, and Tony Blundetto all by himself, slow-walking zombies won’t stand a chance. Tony can manage just fine when attacked by more than one person too. An example of this is when he fights off two hitmen sent by Junior while driving.
